


How very little can be done under the spirit of fear

by cancan223



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ann Walker as a new resident, Anne Lister as a doctor, F/F, Fluff, Sexual Harassment, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, Working at a hospital
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2020-08-11 14:51:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cancan223/pseuds/cancan223
Summary: Starting her new residency at the hospital, it is serendipity that puts Ann Walker under the careful watch of doctor Anne Lister. Together, they navigate the world of medicine and forbidden romance.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always imagined that if Anne Lister lived in the 21th century she would be a doctor as she is so passionate about the human body in the TV series.  
So in my mind came the idea of Gentleman Jack x 21th century x Grey's anatomy.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it :)

_A notebook, pencils, hair tie, hmm what more? Oh yes, the hospital card of course_. Ann is quietly mumbling to herself while rummaging through her room looking for the necessary stuff to put in her bag. Today is her first official day starting her first year of residency at the Royal London Hospital and to say she is a bit nervous would be a great understatement. Raking her fingers through her hair and pushing back a stray lock behind her ear, she puffs out some air out of frustration.

“I swear I am forgetting something,” she huffs to herself. Putting her bag on the bed, filled with too much pens and hair ties, she looks around her room and her desk one more time but can’t for the life of her come up with the supposedly missing thing.

“Ann, are you alright? Your eggs are getting cold!” Elizabeth yells from downstairs. In her voice, a trace of concern can be heard.

“Yes I’m coming, just a sec!” Ann yells back.

She gathers her bag and steps out of her room, closing the door behind her. Inhaling the delicious smell of well-baked eggs coming from downstairs, she feels (and hears) her stomach rumbling. The cooking skills of her sister is something she is very grateful of since she started living in the house of the Sutherlands. She immediately took up the offer of her sister to live with her and her husband for the duration of her residency. Although she somewhat dislikes her brother-in-law George, he is very wealthy and a successful businessman, and they live in a huge Victorian house situated near the Thames and very close to the city centre. They have enough rooms, and even with their third child currently residing in her sister’s belly, there is no shortage of space for her to settle here for the next year. Being an important businessman, George is needed at work during the day and most evenings, so she mostly shares her days only with Elizabeth and the children. But now that finally her residency starts, her days will be filled from sunrise to sunset.

While walking downstairs she feels her phone buzz in her pocket and takes it out to look at the incoming messages. She opens the Whatsapp group of her best friends, consisting of Harriet and Catherine.

_ **Harriet (1.01 P.M.): Good luck darling with your first day! Kick some ass!** _

_ **Catherine (1.03 P.M.): You’re gonna rock this Ann! I am sure of it :) and don’t forget to catch the eye of some hot doctor ;) and send the males ones to me please! ** _

Feeling the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile, she is glad that her friends think of her. She is oh so lucky to have them. Having attended the same college, albeit different studies, the three of them quickly became best friends. They met each other during their first intro week at York college and they stuck together for the next years, even deciding to live together in a dorm. Sadly, London is too far away to travel back and forth between their dorm and the hospital, so she won’t see her friends on a daily basis anymore. She is however rather excited that she could go on an adventure to the capital of the country to start her residency at one of the largest children’s hospitals in the UK.

Adjusting the strap of her bag while walking downstairs, she types her reply.

_ **Ann (1.04 P.M.): Thank you girls :) ** _

_ **Ann (1.04 P.M): and Cath, I thought you were snogging that boy from your law classes?! ** _

_ **Catherine (1.05 P.M.): These flings are merely temporary and unfulfilling, I long for stability ** _

_ **Harriet (1.06 P.M.): You surely mean longing for someone to buy you those expensive designer bags you can’t really afford! ** _

_ **Catherine (1.08 P.M.): Ah yes, but a girl can never have enough handbags! They are a necessity in life! ** _

Giggling because of the continued bickering between Harriet and Catherine, she has almost forgotten what the day has in store for her, but the nerves are rapidly returning, sending a feeling of churning in her stomach that won’t go away, no matter how distracted she is by her friends.

Having descended the grand stairway, she sends a last message and puts her phone away before turning the corner and walking into the kitchen.

“It smells delicious Elizabeth!” she smiles at her sister who is standing at the stove wearing a smeary apron.

“Thank you, Ann. Just sit down at the table and I’ll get your plate ready,” Elizabeth turns around and gives a quick nod to Ann.

Ann sits down at the table next to her little cousin Jack who is making a mess of his food, and his face, trying to eat with his hands.

“Hi there, Jacky,” Ann smiles softly at Jack, extending her index finger so that Jack takes it in his chubby little hand and waves it around while making airplane noises. She truly adores her nephew, as well as her niece, who is probably taking a nap upstairs in her room.

She takes a carrot from the plate on the table and starts chewing on it while looking at her older sister. She has been here for over a week now, getting adjusted to a life in London before starting at the hospital. So she had plenty enough time to observe her sister and one thing she noticed is that she never seems really happy with her life here. Ann never thought that being a stay at home mom would fulfil her sister, who in the past was always grandly speaking of her ambitious plans for the future. She supposes George is part of the reason why is leading the life she is. He is quite a dominant man, and frankly speaking, Ann can’t help but sometimes feel afraid of him although she tries to not let that notice. And with her parents gone, Elizabeth is the only family she has left. The only ‘real family’ that is. For most aunts and uncles suddenly were only very interested in her when they inherited a large sum of money from their parent’s estate.

Elizabeth puts the eggs on a plate and walks to Ann.

“Here you go Annie,” she says and puts the plate down in front of her.

Giving an affectionate kiss on top of Ann’s head, she looks at her and asks, “how are you feeling? Are you excited for today?”

“Mostly I am just quite nervous Liz, I-I can’t stop thinking… What if I’m not good enough? What if the doctors don’t like me? What if I can’t remember a thing I learned during med school?”

Subconsciously Ann rubs the bracelet adorning her wrist, covering a remnant of the past. Sure, her excruciating nervous days are behind, but the scar on the inside of her wrist tells of a past that is not forgotten.

Elizabeth notices this and squeezes her sisters’ shoulder, remembering the dark days that surrounded her little sister a couple of years ago.

“All first days are difficult and nerve-wrecking indeed. But have you not prepared for this during all your six years of med school? Have you not acquired so much knowledge during those years? Have they not accepted you at the best children’s hospital in the whole UK? Which I heard, is a tough job to get into! You are very much capable of doing this Ann, even more so than you think. You are a kind and gentle person, and I am sure you will do an amazing job!”

Elizabeth smiles fondly at Ann who is staring out of the large window located at the wall opposite of them.

“Thank you Liz, you are right,” Ann looks up at her sister with a small smile. Meanwhile, oblivious of his surroundings and the feelings of his mother and aunt, Jack is blowing raspberries and shoving his carrots of the table on the floor, clearly not very fond of them.

* * *

Closing the heavy door, painted in a lovely shade of blue with a huge brass knocker in the form of a lion right in the middle of it, Ann descends the steps leading to the entrance of the house and starts walking towards the hospital.

Fortunately, the hospital is within walking distance and Ann loves the outdoors and some fresh air. So, with newfound courage, courtesy of her dearest sister, she begins walking at a leisurely pace along the Thames. She starts her afternoon shift only at 3 P.M. but there is a briefing at 2 o’clock where all new residents are expected to be. Having finished her first internship last year at the hospital in York, she is finally ready for more training in her preferred specialty, paediatrics. Her dream has always been working as a paediatrician in a children’s hospital and she can’t believe it is finally happening. She has done a lot of research on different hospitals with excellent child care and the Royal London Hospital is supposedly one of the best. Having snooped at the official website of the hospital, she soaked in all the information there is to find, including the many attending physicians.

The one that stood out the most to her was a female doctor, doctor Lister. Her picture of a smiling face greeted Ann when she scrolled down the web page. She had the most impressive resume and was considered a true expert in the field of paediatrics. Indeed, Ann is thrilled she might get to be in the company of such an accomplished doctor. However, it is not really her particular set of skills that draws Ann in but rather her dazzling smile and brown eyes that persuade Ann to stare for a rather long amount of time at the picture of doctor Lister.

* * *

“Alright, listen up! Starting your residency at the Royal London Hospital is no small feat and as such, you will all be paired up with an attending doctor. He or she oversees your practice and education and will guide you accordingly. You can pick up your schedule at your assigned attending physician. I can’t stress enough the importance of being on time for your shift as some attendings are unforgiving, so beware.”

A monotone voice carries over the locker room in which the 10 new residents have changed into proper clothes and are now listening to a man in a white coat with a clipboard in his hands.

“I heard, if you are late, some attending physicians will force you to get them coffee the whole day long! And no surgeries for you that day!” A young guy named John sits next to Ann on the bench and whispers in her ear.

Ann looks at John and smiles at him while trying to continue to listen to the monotone voice. Having introduced herself to the other new residents, John certainly looked like one of the friendliest people in the room. Most of them looked cocky and arrogant and are sure to be fiercely competitive and willing to go to any lengths to present themselves as the best residents. This is an unfortunate part of trying to become a doctor and a part that Ann absolutely hates. She would rather see that everyone would get along fine, but unfortunately, she knows this is a wish which will never come true.

“John Boot, report to doctor Rawson,” the man with the clipboard calls.

“Well this is my cue. Good luck today Ann!” John stands up and gives her a nod. He receives his papers from the clipboard man and walks out the door.

Starting to feel nervous again, accompanied with an unpleasant feeling in her stomach, Ann fiddles with her hands in her lap listening to the other names being called in alphabetical order. Suddenly the clipboard man is already at the letter P and Ann perks up and starts paying attention. There are only 3 people left, including her.

“Eugenie Pierre, report to doctor Beech.”

“Jeremiah Rawson, report to doctor Washington.”

Now being the last person in the room, the clipboard man sets his eyes on her and with an uncanny grin looks her up and down.

“Saved the best resident for last I see.” He grins at her. It makes Ann feel a bit sick to her stomach.

“Ann Walker.” He lets her name role of his tongue in an unpleasant way.

“Report to doctor Lister.”

Hearing her name, totally unexpected, sends a tingle down her spine. Never in the world would she have thought the perfect doctor Lister would be her attending physician! She stands up and walks towards the door, meanwhile smoothening her white coat down at her sides.

Clipboard guy gives Ann her papers and opens the door for her.

“Well Ann, as a fellow surgeon here in this hospital, I am _sure_ we will meet again.” Clipboard guy says as he closes the door behind her and starts walking down the corridor to the left, all the while smiling creepily at her.

Ann gives a short nod and shudders for a bit. _Well I hope we don’t_, she thinks as she catches his name on the hospital card attached to his white coat. It says Thomas Ainsworth.

* * *

She looks at her papers and sees that doctor Listers office is situated on the third floor, so she starts walking towards where she thinks the elevators are. She still has to find her way in the large building. Walking across the corridors she walks past rooms with patients inside and nurses brushing past her. The familiar smell of hospital odour enters her nose and although it smells mostly like disinfectant, it isn’t all that bad and she feels happy at the prospect of working here. Wearing a white coat gives her a purpose, a goal in life, to do _good_.

Having found the elevators, she steps inside and pushes the button for the third floor. Taking a deep breath, she tries to calm herself and again starts rubbing at her bracelet. Over time, it has spiralled into a nervous tick she can’t get rid of.

A robotic voice announces she is on the third floor and with a ding, the doors open. She steps out and looks to her right and to her left wondering which way she has to go now. In the corridor at her left, she sees John Boot standing next to a door while he is fiddling with the buttons on his coat.

“John! Hi!” she walks over to him, “are you waiting for your assigned doctor?” she asks while observing him. He looks a bit pale.

“Hi Ann, ehm, yeah you could say that. My attending is in a conversation with another attending, this is her office.”

Suffice to say, Ann hears two voices coming out of the room who seem to be in a rather heated conversation. She looks at John with raised eyebrows.

“Not a really pleasant conversation…” she notes.

“No not really…”

Suddenly the door is thrown open and out struts a man with a rather interesting haircut. It is wild on top and his face is adorned with sideburns which look a bit out of place. His face sports an annoyed look as he turns once more towards the now open door.

“Do not presume that I am your inferior! I have been working here longer than you! We _will_ discuss this during the next meeting!”

With heavy steps, doctor Rawson walks away towards the elevators, muttering angry words.

“Come along James! I don’t have all day!” He sneers as he walks past John.

Hastily, John straightens and starts following the doctor. “It is uh actually John sir.” He says while looking with a panicky face back at Ann.

“Whatever. Look, fetch me the documents of the patients in room 2.07 and- …”

Ann hears their voices getting softer until she can’t hear them anymore.

_Poor John_, she thinks, _getting the nightmare doctor_.

The door she stands next to is still open and she looks at the nameplate next to it to see to whom it belongs. In neat cursive it says dr. Lister.

_Oh lord, here we go_. Ann smooths down her hair, takes a deep breath and walks into the room. She sees a woman with brown hair in a neat ponytail sitting with her back towards her typing fiercely on a computer. She knocks on the open door to let the person know she is here.

“Yes? What is it?” the woman says without turning around. She sounds rather irritated. A lump starts to form down Ann’s throat. _Well this is a great start… _

“Uhm hi. I- I am your new resident, Ann Walker.” She says with a soft voice.

Finally, she turns around and Ann’s blue eyes lock into the dark brown ones of the woman opposite of her.

“I am sorry for sounding so cross. I thought Christopher came back. We… don’t always see eye to eye as I’m sure you must have heard.”

Doctor Lister rises from her chair and walks towards Ann. Extending her hand, she introduces herself.

“I am Anne Lister, attending physician at this hospital. A pleasure to meet you Ann Walker.”

Ann stares at the long, slender fingers stretched out towards her. She always has a soft spot for slender hands, and she admires Anne’s. _Keep it together Ann! Strictly professional!_ She shakes Anne’s hand, which feels soft to touch yet is firm, and looks into doctor Listers eyes.

“Nice to meet you too doctor Lister.”

“Oh no need for formal titles in my office, here you can call me Anne,” Anne says, sending her a wink and she walks around her to close the door.

“Come, sit down and let us talk, I am delighted to hear about your past experiences and your time at med school.”

With a bright smile, showing pearly white teeth, Anne puts a warm hand on the small of her back and steers her towards the two chairs.

_ Dear lord! Did she just wink at me?_ Ann feels a blush creeping up her cheeks, only increased by the feeling of the hand on her back.

They both sit down in the black office chairs, Ann twirling her bracelet around her wrist, feeling a bit nervous. Releasing a shaky breath, she looks at Anne who is looking back at her with an inviting smile.

_ I am in deep, deep trouble_, she thinks as she tries to straighten out the wrinkles already forming in her coat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with the medical side. I'm sorry if I made any mistakes on that part, please let me know! And I'm not entirely sure if I like this chapter. It is a bit slow, but I'll pick up the pace for the next ones! 
> 
> Enjoy :)  
I hope to update at least weekly!

Doctor Lister is, just like Ann, wearing a long white coat with her name card attached to it. A few pencils stick out of the front pocket. Underneath, she is wearing normal clothes. A tightfitting, black turtleneck sweater and tailored dark grey pants. They fit her body perfectly and Ann can’t help but let her eyes roam quickly up and down her body. 

“So, tell me Ann. Where are you from and where did you study medicine, and last but not least, why did you choose paediatrics?” Anne asks with a kind smile on her face while twirling a pen around her fingers.

“Originally I am from Halifax, but I lived there only for a short while before I moved to York.”

“Halifax?” doctor Lister looks at her with a surprised look on her face. “Isn’t that a coincidence. My parents have an estate up there. Shabby little Shibden. Do you still go back there often? Maybe we could have already met before as strangers?”

“Only very occasionally to visit some family. I don’t think we would have met though, I would have remembered.” She would have _definitely _remembered Anne Lister. No doubt about that.

Anne looks at her with a curious look in her eyes. A smile playing on her lips.

“So you moved to York with your parents and your siblings?”

“Well, my parents died when I was 5, so me and my sister moved to York to live with our relatives.” She has no trouble talking about her deceased parents. She was so young when they died in a car crash, she can barely remember it. She knows Elizabeth didn’t cope very well with it though. Being a couple years older she got to experience the loss of her parents in every way and made her feel responsible of little Ann. They share a great bond now, relying on each other in times of hardship.

“Oh God, I’m sorry Ann.” Anne looks at her sympathetically.

“No it’s alright. I was so young, I cannot remember it clearly…” Ann fiddles with her bracelet. “Anyways, so I lived for most of my life in York and applied for college there. And now I’m here.”

She tells Anne Lister some about med school and of her passion to work with children. Their unlimited glee and carefree spirit. Their excitement for the small things in life, or their big dreams, like changing the world for the better. Nothing fulfils her more than to see a child in good health, and to have a job in which she is able to take care of sick children, is something she sees as her life dream. With a sparkle in her eyes, Ann can’t hide the wide smile on her face while declaring her affection for children to Anne. Anne is looking back at her with a smile, her hands crossed in her lap.

“Oh I’m starting to ramble. I’m sorry…” Looking downward, Ann curses inwardly at herself. _Making a fool of myself once again…_

“Do not say sorry for being passionate about something miss Walker, it is a delight to hear.” She looks up to see Anne smiling friendly at her. Anne opens her drawers and takes a stack of papers out of it.

“If I’m correct, you had your orientation days this week already? And today is your starting shift, but tomorrow your first full day will start right?”

“That’s right.” Ann nods at her.

“And you did get a tour around the hospital?”

“Yeah. They showed us everything, from on-call rooms to the operating rooms. But well, I imagine I will get lost the first couple of days. It’s a big building.”

“Oh you will find your way quickly. And after a while, you will be so tired that you will find the on-call rooms with your eyes closed, trust me.” Anne chuckles.

“Here is my schedule for the coming month, I trust you will be fine in making your own in accordance with mine.” She rips of a page from a notebook and writes down some lines. With her long, slender fingers. Ann can’t help but stare at them.  
“And here is my pager number and my personal number. The last one obviously for emergencies. But don’t hesitate if something is bothering you or you need to talk. I am fully aware that these coming years will be tough.” She slides the stack of papers towards Ann and smiles at her.

“It has been a long time since I supervised a new resident, but I’m sure our collaboration will be nothing but excellent. You graduated with impressive grades from your med school and I can see you are very passionate about working in paediatrics.”  
  
“There are some rules though I would like to state to get rid of any confusion. I expect punctuality, impeccable work ethic, and respect. Especially to all the patients, children or be it their family. Finally, good communication is essential. Working together, we need to be able to discuss troubles and discomfort between us.”

“Yes, of course.” Ann nods fervently, impressed, and admittedly a bit intimidated by the air that surrounds Anne Lister. She is not a woman you can or should mess with. So much she can see already.

“Right. Let’s get on with work. This afternoon, we have appointments in the east wing. Some will be just a regular check-up but there are a few who regularly come back with their complaints, nothing too serious though. I will talk you through it on the way to the office.” Anne rises from her chair and with a straight back walks to the door.

Feeling nerves rise, Ann quickly scrambles out of her chair. But she takes a step forward too fast and stumbles forward, almost falling down, were it not for the steady hand of doctor Lister keeping her from falling by grabbing her upper arm.

“Careful there doctor Walker, don’t want to patch up one of my residents on their first day.” Anne smirks at her and releases her arm. The spot where her hand left her arm feels cold now, suddenly depleted of the warmth Anne Lister gave her.

Her cheeks flush with warmth from the embarrassment creeping up her body as she follows Anne out of the door and into the long hallway. With a sigh, and internal cursing she closes the door behind her.

Ann has to walk very fast to keep a steady pace next to doctor Lister. It is not actually walking, more like marching through the hallways in a fast pace. She is soaking in everything Anne has to say, about the staff, the hospital rules and regulations.

Finally, they reach the east wing where all the appointments with children will be handled who are currently not staying in the hospital. A good portion of those children come in for so called “well-visits.” The doctor will check their vitals and their age-appropriate growth and discusses potential concerns about their wellbeing and development with the parents. Ann rubs her bracelet again, out of stubborn habit and then remembers that bracelets aren’t allowed at the hospital. _Darn it_. She takes it off and puts in her pocket.

Their first patient is a 1 month old baby who is here for a general check-up.

Anne Lister opens the door of the room where the family waits for them. 

“Good afternoon!” Anne walks inside with a big smile on her face and approaches the baby who is perched on the arm of the mother. She shakes hands with the mother and turns her head back to Ann.

“This is doctor Walker, my resident. She is learning to become a paediatrician and will be under my supervision.”

Ann nods to the mother, who is called Mary, and gives her a smile.

“And this is Daniel, a very healthy baby! Let’s look at you to see if everything is still alright.” She walks over to the computer screen and retrieves the file of the baby. “How is Daniel doing? Any concerns?”  
  
“Oh he is a very happy little guy, smiling all day.” Mary looks at her child with clear adoration in her eyes. Doctor Lister and Mary discuss the food intake and bowel movements as well as sleeping patterns. Mary also has a couple of questions which Anne answers.

“His weight is at the 75 percentile which is excellent. He has a beautiful trend of weight gain.” Doctor Listers shows the Growth Chart to Mary while pointing at Daniels weight.  


“Alright, let’s get on with the physical exam.” She takes the baby from the arms of her mother and lays him down on the examination table.

“Now, I want to see that beautiful smile of yours your mother is talking about.” With a soft voice, Anne gently boops the nose and cheeks of Daniel and smiles brightly at him while making funny noises. After a while, Daniel starts laughing and moves his arms a little.  
“Ah there it is.” Anne laughs back at the baby and looks over at Ann. “Now we will start the regular physical exam.”

She takes her stethoscope from around her neck and puts the ear plugs into her ears. With precise and careful movements, she puts the diaphragm on the skin of the baby and listens to his heart as well as moving it around his tummy and lungs in a playful manner as to not scare the baby. “Everything looks perfect, no abnormalities.” Anne steps aside to let Ann use her stethoscope. They check together for reflexes and do an eye exam.

“You can be very proud of Daniel. He did perfect.” Doctor Lister smiles while Anne picks up Daniel and gives him back to a beaming mother. Daniel is happily smiling back at his mother, being content back in her arms.

“Let me see…” Doctor Lister types the information acquired during the visit in the patient file on the computer. “Your next appointment will be when Daniel is two months old and he will get his next immunizations. If anything happens in the meantime, such as him getting a fever or you are concerned about certain behaviour, don’t hesitate to give a call.”

She turns back to Mary who by now dressed her child and asks if she has any questions left at which Mary shakes her head.

“Well then, you can make a new appointment at the front desk with the nurse and I will see you next month!”

Anne closes the files and guides the mother and child to the front desk while she and Ann say their goodbyes.

“That went very smoothly didn’t it?” Anne says as they walk inside the doctor’s office to wait for the next appointment. Her brown eyes look at Ann. Ann looks back into her brown orbits. She feels she could get lost in them if she keeps staring. So she quickly looks away and nods at Anne while touching her wrist, forgetting her bracelet isn’t there to keep her grounded.

The rest of the appointments run smoothly. Ann is thoroughly impressed by doctor Lister and her professional yet caring interaction with the children and their families. A couple of times she lets Ann take the lead and smiles encouragingly at her. Every time she does that, Ann feels warm inside and tries her utmost best to impress her supervisor. Sometimes Anne asks questions about developmental stages and more difficult ones when they walk back to the office to wait for the next appointments. Ann racks her brain looking for the knowledge and most of the times she is capable of answering them. The way Anne interacts with the children and makes them feel at ease while doing the proper examination, is alluring to look at. And the way she always includes Ann in the conversation and physical exams make her feel at ease and actually feel like a proper doctor. At med school you were always prepared for the worst internships of your life if you were unlucky in the supervising department. The horror stories made the rounds across all the medical students, especially of doctors who hated their interns with a passion. She always couldn’t understand why people would act in such a way. At one point in time they were interns themselves, right?

Until now, it has been delightful to have doctor Lister as her supervisor. She is a smart, independent and very capable woman who doesn’t like nonsense and is very hard-working person.

The hours flew by and they have already finished their appointments for the afternoon, having not encountered anything out of the ordinary. Most children were healthy, one young child had an ear infection, and another had a rash on her cheeks but nothing too seriously.

Ann is watching doctor Lister as she finishes up some phone calls while Ann herself is typing the last of their reports on the computer. The doctor is drumming her fingers on the desk and sits in a relaxed pose in the chair with her legs crossed.

“Yes, I hear you… Hmm…”

Ann listens to the conversation, only hearing Anne’s side.

“I believe not… We explicitly told him not to continue… -Yes I did but-...“

A frustrated frown is now forming on her face, while she closes her eyes and rubs her temple. For a long time, only the caller is talking, and Anne hums a couple of times in between. She is obviously not amused.

“Well, if you would have listened, I _did _tell you this before.” She turns towards Ann and rolls her eyes at her, clearly to indicate the phone call is not to her liking. 

“Give me the phone number and I-… -I won’t be blunt! I am perfectly capable-… -Fine, suit yourself. Let me know when progress is made.” She puts down the phone and sighs.

“Some people just get on my nerves really.” She looks at Ann with a lopsided grin. “Shall we go have some dinner?” She shuts down the computer and gets up.

At the word dinner, Ann can feel her stomach start to rumble. _Oh_. She didn’t notice it was already late in the evening. 

“Yes that seems like a great idea.” She tucks her hair behind her ear and follows Anne towards the cafeteria.

They chat on the way over, about nothing in particular, but still, it feels nice talking to Anne Lister. The conversation flows easily and Ann loves watching her talk animatedly while using grand gestures to express herself. She feels _equal_. Which of course she isn’t. But Anne does make her feel that way by listening to her like she a real person and her heart flutters at that thought.

But a trace of doubt lingers in her brain, _what if it’s all just fake and she can’t stand her?_ No. She pushes the negative thought away and focuses back on Anne. She won’t let her thoughts dictate her feelings. Not anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit later than planned, but here is chapter 3!
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love reading your comments!

“Ugh, this is the worst.” With his head on the table, John mutters the sentence out loud. “I think he really hates me…”

Ann sits down at a table of four with her dinner in her hands. At the table, three other residents are eating their dinner. Opposite of her sits, or rather slouches, John, to her left is Eugénie and to her right sits another resident, _what’s his name again? _She can’t quite remember.

“Oh I’m sure he’ll come around. He can be nice, right Jeremiah?” Spoken with a heavy French accent, Eugénie tries to comfort John and pats his arm.

“Who are you talking about?” Ann asks as she puts a fry in her mouth, not a really healthy dinner, but really tasty and needed right now. She looks at Jeremiah, mentally trying to remember his name from now on.

John looks up from the table at Ann and slumps his shoulders. “My horrible attending. _His _brother.” He nods at Jeremiah. “Nothing personal though.” He adds with a bleak smile.

“Don’t worry. I know how my older brother can be. He is very… well, I would say practical… But he has his good sides!”

Not really believing the words spoken on a hesitant note by Jeremiah, John sighs and starts sipping his drink.

“How is your attending, Ann?” Eugénie asks her. “Doctor Lister right? I’ve heard of her, she supposedly is very strict and bossy.”

Her mind drifts to Anne Lister as she thinks about the words Eugénie used to describe her. Bossy? No, she hasn’t really noticed.

“Well I can’t say she is bossy really… She has been nothing but cordial and helpful.” She has nothing bad to say about her attending. The hours she spent together working with her were pleasant and very informative. “What about yours?”

On that question, a dreamy look appears in Eugénie’s eyes. “Ohh doctor Thomas Beech. Let’s just say he is a sight for sore eyes.” She winks at her.

“Who is he? Can you secretly point at him?”

They all look over, not so subtly, at the tables were the residents are eating. Eugénie nods her head to the doctor sitting at the right side of the table farthest away from them. “That’s him.”

With a huff, John turns back around. “Don’t really see what so grand about him.” He narrows his eyes and starts eating his leftovers.

Doctor Beech is indeed rather handsome. He is still quite young with a sharp jaw line and his pearly white teeth shows when he smiles. The position Ann is sitting at gives her a perfect view of his table. She stares at the other person at that table, because the one doctor Beech is showing his wide smile to is none other than Doctor Lister. She is eating a salad while talking with him. They are sitting too far away to hear the conversation, but she can see by their nonverbal communication that they act amicable around each other. They must have been collegues for some time now. 

Other tables at the cafeteria are filled with more residents and doctors. All of them eating before they report back to duty. While observing the other people in the cafeteria, her gaze drifts back to the table of doctor Beech and doctor Lister.

She can hear her table companions talking about something, but it doesn’t register. Her mind easily wanders to other places. She has always been a dreamy girl. And when her mind is set on something, everything else in the world is turned down to a soft whisper as she focuses her attention on her desired object.

Her current object of attention is doctor Lister who is sitting in a relaxed pose in her chair. When Ann walked into her office for the first time a couple of hours ago, her brown hair was still sleekly tied together in a ponytail, but now some strands are getting loose. Anne is laughing about something doctor Beech is saying while he moves his hands rapidly from one side to the other, surely to demonstrate something. Still laughing, she suddenly locks eyes with Ann, it’s almost like she sensed she was staring at her. Ann quickly looks away, feeling caught in doing something naughty. Risking looking back again, she sees that Anne is still looking at her. Feeling tingly inside, she can’t help but look away again. For the gaze of the doctor is too intense. Even so, she can’t help but glimpse again at her table, but now doctor Lister’s attention is back on Thomas Beech.

Ann tunes back into the conversation between the three residents at her own table.

“-and then he ripped them off and threw them at his mother!” With a wide grin on his face, Jeremiah ends his story which makes Eugénie and John laugh heartily, Ann laughs with them, not really getting the joke but witnessing their contagious laugh immediately puts a smile on her face.

“Oh man, I would have paid to see the look on her face!” John exclaims. Still laughing, the four of them finish their dinner and drinks.

Pushing his empty plate towards the middle of the table, John looks around the cafeteria. He looks to his left and back at Ann, and back to his left. “I think someone is staring at you Ann. At 3 o’clock.” He whispers at her while leaning forward.

Ann looks to her right. Straight into the eyes of Thomas Ainsworth, who is sitting two tables away from them. Ann shudders and sits straight.

“God he is creepy.”

“I think he is interested in you Ann.” Eugénie says, having also noticed the stare of Ainsworth.

“Well I am definitely not interested in him! Nor in any guy for that matter.” She is not afraid to come out as gay, but she still hesitantly eyes the reaction of the others. But she needn’t worry.

“Good for you, guys give nothing but trouble, c’est vraiment vrai.” Eugénie says as Jeremiah smiles encouragingly at her and John nods his head.

For the next ten minutes, they talk about their experiences in the hospital from today.

Suddenly, John gets up from his chair swiftly and stuffs his last bite into his mouth. “Shoot I have to go. See you tonight, or tomorrow!” He puts his plate in the designated dish rack and quickly walks towards the exit where doctor Rawson already is.

“I think it is my turn as well.” Eugénie stands up and gathers her stuff. Ann looks over at the table of doctor Lister and doctor Beech. Doctor Beech moves his seat back in place and takes his dirty dinner plates in his hands. Doctor Lister is nowhere to be seen. Feeling the anxiety rising when she doesn’t see her supervisor, Ann stands as well.

“Great, I lost my doctor.” She looks at Jeremiah who is still seated. “Good luck with finding her.” He says, already occupied by his phone, waiting for his attending to finish his dinner.  
  
Ann quickly takes her empty plate away from the table and turns around to put it into the dish rack.  
Taking one step forward she almost bumps into Anne Lister.

“Oh- I’m sorry doctor Lister…” Ann stammers while almost dropping her plate.

With a warm smile, Anne takes over the plate from her hands and puts it on top of her own. “You’ve had enough to eat?”

“Yes” she answers breathlessly as she watches Anne gracefully put their plates away.

Adjusting her white coat, Anne takes a deep breath and together they walk towards the exit of the cafeteria and towards the third floor again.

In Anne’s office, they go over the schedule for the rest of the evening. First, they will make a quick evening round across the floor and check over the information of the nurses on duty. Afterwards they will have the sign-out with the night team and then they will finish off the loose ends from the day such as writing up progress notes and following up test results.

They make their round, checking in with patients and parents and answering their last concerning questions of the day. Doctor Lister is eloquent in her conversations with the children and their family, achieving a professional relationship while still showing compassion. She is polite and a tad formal throughout her visits. But her demeanour visibly shifts when they visit the room of the last patient on the list. Wondering why, Ann follows her attending into the room and watches the conversation unfold.

There is a boy, about 9 years old, laying in the hospital bed. He is not yet sleeping but playing a game on his iPad, his tongue sticking out of his mouth showing the effort with which he is playing. Next to his bed is a big chair in which a very tired looking woman is sitting with her eyes closed, her head lolling to one side.

“Good evening Henry, have you beaten the high score yet?” Anne says to the boy who now looks up.

“Not yet doctor Anne, it is difficult!” He smiles with glee at doctor Lister, obviously very fond of her, and continues playing the game. The woman in the chair startles awake.

“Doctor Lister! Oh I’m afraid I dozed off.”

“You need a good night of sleep Alice, I’ve been saying that for a couple of days now.”

“I can hardly sleep these days...” Alice answers as she rubs her eyes.

With a sympathizing look on her face Anne looks back at Henry and asks him to pause the game.

With Henry’s full attention on her she points at Ann, “this is my new intern, doctor Walker. From now on, you will be seeing her more often. She will take excellent care of you.”

“Hi Henry, nice to meet you.” Ann smiles at the young boy and at his mother.  
  
Henry looks at Ann with his is eyes scrunched together. He beckons doctor Lister towards him.

“Do I also need to spy on her, doctor Anne?” He whispers in her ear, but his whispers are so loud that the whole room can enjoy them.

Ann has to bite her lip in order not to laugh and shifts from one leg to the other.

With a sly smile, Anne briefly turns her head towards Ann, aware that she also heard about the spying business of Henry. “Yes Henry, I shall receive your full report tomorrow in the afternoon. Let me know of any… unusual activities.” She whispers back, loud enough for Alice and Ann to hear. With another wink at Ann, she nods at Henry.

“Now, let me see that leg of yours. Does it still hurt?” They didn’t actually discuss Henry’s case yet, as there wasn’t much time left until the sign-out. So Ann wonders what could possibly be wrong, her eyes flicking all over the boy to look for signs of illness. But Henry looks in good health. That is, until Anne lifts up the blanket and places it at the foot of the bed. _He is missing his whole left leg_. Frowning her brows in pity, she walks closer to the bed to take a good look. What little is left over of his leg is fully bandaged. The bandages look fresh and are still completely white, which means he must have gotten new bandages recently.

“It doesn’t really hurt that bad, only in the morning when the doctors haven’t put the stuff into the bag yet.” He points at the IV drip next to his bed.

“That’s good to hear. The nurses said it is still inflamed though. We have to take good care of that.” After inspection of the bandages, Anne puts the blanket back over his legs. “Just call for the nurse when you are in pain yeah? They will come and give you medicine.” Smiling affectionally at him, she gives him a pat on his head.

She turns towards Henry’s mother. “I will check in tomorrow first thing in the morning. If we are able to keep the infection away, the prognosis should be good. Do try to have a good night of sleep Alice.”

Alice nods at her and looks at her son, who is fully immersed again in his iPad. 

“Thank you doctor Lister.”

Together, they walk out of the room and having finished their round, walk back to doctor Listers office. The hallway is nearly empty, save for some late-afternoon visits by family members who are now leaving, following the hospitals policy of visitation time.

The walk over is silent and Ann wonders if she should say something. It is clear that Anne acts different around Henry and his mother. During the day, she observed the interaction between doctor Lister and her patients, trying to learn how to behave as a doctor. Anne is sensitive to the needs of her patients as well as the family and speaks with them in an empathic way, while remaining objective enough to provide the best possible healthcare. She stimulates her patients to voice their opinion about their treatment while still asserting her skills as a capable physician. She is a very capable professional in her role as doctor and it shows throughout her interactions.

However, with Henry, Ann notices a different approach. She is decidedly more amicable and compassionate. Ann doesn’t yet know how long Henry has been staying at the hospital, but it is clear that a strong bond has formed between him and Anne Lister.

Glancing sideways at Anne, she sees the woman is in deep thought. Her brown eyes are staring into the distance, gaze unfocused.

They walk into the office and sit down on the chairs.

“He reminds me of my brother.” Anne Lister finally says, her expression pensive.

Not sure if she senses rightly what Anne is implying about her brother, she thinks of things to say.

“A drunk _idiot_ driver ran over Henry with his car resulting in his amputation. And the bastard didn’t even have the decency to stop. _No_, he rushed away from the scene.” Resting her head in one hand, she looks over at Ann. “His infection of the amputation stump isn’t responding to the given treatment. It is worrisome. And his poor mother is sick with worry. She sees the concern on my face, although I try not to show it.”

Seeing a glimpse of the emotions flashing around behind the woman’s eyes, she thinks of something to say.

“I-… that is awful what happened…” Watching Anne, she adds softly, “and you care about him.”

“Yes I do.” Anne sighs as she closes her eyes. “Take this as a lesson Ann. Some patients will get through to you. No matter how much emotional distance you like to keep… Those are the hardest.”

Rubbing her head, she checks her watch on her wrist.

“We have 10 more minutes until sign-out. We should prepare.” The conversation about Henry is over, and Ann senses now is not the time to asks more questions, about him or Anne’s brother.

And so they prepare for sign-out.

* * *

  
  
Anne fills her in about the day, going quickly over the different patients before they go to the meeting with the night team. Ann listens as Anne provides the team with a brief synopsis of the patients and how they are doing, including the clinical plans they set up during the day. Concerns are discussed and the meeting ends.

They end up back in the office to finish off the last paperwork, primarily done by doctor Lister as Ann watches her working, trying to soak in all the new information she learned during her first day. It was nothing extraordinary out of the ordinary, but still it was intense, and she knows she will lie awake for some time in bed later that night to think it all over.

Having finished the clinical documentation, Anne shuts down the computer and stretches her arms above her head, her shirt riding a bit up, almost showing her midriff.

“It has been a long day.” Anne supresses a yawn. “I know its late, but can I show you something?”

“Yes of course.” _You can show me anything._ She doesn’t need to look at the clock to help her answer the question, she would follow this intriguing woman everywhere. 

They close the office and walk towards the end of the hallway where Ann has not been yet. Sliding the pass across the scanner, the double doors they ended up at open and they walk through them. After 10 meters or something, they stop in front of a large window facing a large room.

In the room, instead of hospital beds, a couple of incubators are placed in intervals of several feet. Looking like a crib but with a clear plastic dome on top, it is easy to see the tiny patients laying in these special beds. Ann can see the rise and fall of the tiny little chests of the premature babies in the room. They look so small and fragile but at the same time, the room radiates serenity. Two nurses are walking around, checking the monitors and the babies. The babies are all sleeping, peaceful and quietly, not knowing how precarious their situation really is.

“The NICU...” she whispers as she looks at Anne, wondering why she brought her here.

Anne answers her thoughts, watching the little patients. “When I have a long or difficult day, I like to come here and watch these miracles of life. The odds of living are so small, and yet here they are, fighting so hard for their lives. They are so small and yet so strong. It makes me feel humble and forget about my own hardships for a while. It makes me feel grateful of life, and grateful of my amazing job in which I can help these little ones with their fight. They are not alone, they have so many people who fight for them and believe in them. They are little warriors, and they always give me hope, and courage to feel strong myself.”

She looks at Ann and smiles at her, arms clasped behind her back. In her eyes, a heartfelt expression.

Anne’s charming smile and beautiful way with words completely unfold her, getting through to her core. She is breathtaking and Ann can’t help but look up in amazement at the woman. She feels her heart drum rapidly in her chest

“Thank you for showing me.”

Nothing else needs to be said. They keep looking at one another, getting lost in each other’s eyes. The spell is broken when somewhere else in the hallway, they hear the clatter of a sturdy object falling on the floor.  
  
Both turn their head again towards the NICU room, listening to the faint beeping of the monitors and watching the babies sleeping peacefully.

After a couple of minutes, Anne touches her arm. “Come on, let’s go home.”

She feels a spark running through her arm when Anne touches her, but it is over all too soon as the touch was only fleeting. Walking towards the elevators she has to remind herself to keep it cool.

_Nothing is wrong_, but there is no denying it,

she has a huge crush on her attending.

* * *

  
  
Putting her coat into her assigned locker, she takes out her personal belongings and changes into her normal shoes. The locker room is empty, she supposes all the other residents have left already. The residents and attendings have different locker rooms, so she bid her farewell to doctor Lister before she went in. As always, smiling captivatingly, doctor Lister wished her a good night and walked towards the door of the other locker room.

How is she so lucky to have doctor Anne Lister as her supervisor? She can barely comprehend it. Her mind is working in overdrive, repeating the whole day as well as her interactions with doctor Lister. Is she happy with her? Or would she wish she had been given another resident?

Taking out her phone to so she can focus on different thoughts, she reads her new messages. There are quite a few as she had not taken her phone with her during the day. Most of them are from Harriet and Charlotte, asking about her day. Not really feeling like replying yet (she will do that when she is lying comfortably in her bed) she scrolls through them. There is also a message from an unknown number.  
  


** _Unknown (11.07 P.M.): Hey Ann, me, Eugénie and Jeremiah, and some others are at Joe’s bar to celebrate our first day! You’re welcome to join!_ **

** _Unknown (11.07 P.M.): This is John btw_ **

** _Unknown (11.07 P.M.): As in John Booth, your fellow resident_ **

Giggling, she sends back a message that she will join them for one drink. One drink can’t hurt right? And she is quite in need of an ice-cold beverage. She has to get up early tomorrow though, but one drink is manageable.

Stepping out of the hospital into the warm late-summer air, no need for a jacket yet, she crosses the street to get to the pub.  
Conveniently, the bar is located right across the hospital. Everyone who starts to intern at the Royal London Hospital knows about Joe’s bar. It is quite famous under the medical staff. Many of the hospital go there to relax after their shift and its even a place to go for a date or looking for a hookup.

Opening the heavy wooden door, she walks inside and overlooks the room. She can hear the typical loud chattering of voices, as people are having a conversation while enjoying a refreshment.

Joe’s bar looks just like any regular bar. A few tables with cosy, soft-looking chairs are placed inside, and the decoration consists of banners from different sports teams as well as strings of Christmas lights covering the walls. The place emits a comfy atmosphere, with soft lightning.  
  
She recognises some faces from the hospital, not yet familiar with all the new names yet. Some other interns, fellows and even some attendings. Taking a quick look around she searches for John.

_Maybe, just maybe- _but no, doctor Lister is not in the pub. Does she even come here? She hasn’t got the faintest clue.

Spotting John and the others at a table in the corner she walks over to them. John looks rather sullen in his chair.

“Hey guys, not yet drunk already?” She playfully nudges John as she sits down next to Eugénie. Their glasses in front of them are almost empty already.

“I wouldn’t dare in my first week.” Eugénie smiles at her. “But I think John here is trying to drink away his sorrows.”

“Oh John, keep up the spirits! I am sure my brother will be nicer tomorrow. He sometimes is in a bad mood and will act snappy… it just takes a while for him to trust new people.” Jeremiah clinks his glass against John’s, trying to make him smile.

Abruptly John sits up straight and pushes his chest outwards.

“You know what, you are right! I- I can do this! He won’t scare me away! Let’s get one last drink!” He stands up putting his hands on the table. “Want a beer Ann?”

“Yes please!” She smiles at him, proud of his determination. She likes John a lot, he has been nothing but nice to her all week, from the beginning of the introduction days up until now.

John walks over to the bartender and orders a last round of drinks. They make a toast in honour of the start of their residency, vouching for each other and their new lives ahead of them. Or you could rather say no lives, as the road to becoming a doctor will be long and brutal.

But they are ready for it.

* * *

  
Finally arriving back at her room, Ann flops down on her bed, still fully clothed. Lying on bed with her arms stretched out, she feels the tiredness getting a grip of her. She is happy with this week. It has been a weird start, schedule wise. But soon she will fall into the normal hospital rhythm, with whole shifts instead of half like today.

Quickly undressing, and brushing her teeth, she snuggles under the covers and sets an alarm on her phone, more like three, to wake up in time. Groaning because she notices how many hours are left before she has to wake up, she puts her phone on her nightstand and gets ready to sleep. Feeling content and tired, sleep comes easily, and not before long, Ann’s eyes close as she glides into deep slumber.

Her dreams that night, are filled with a particular set of brown eyes, belonging to a particular pretty face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas Ainsworth, you slimy bastard
> 
> 'c’est vraiment vrai' = french for 'it's really true.'
> 
> NICU = neonatal intensive care unit. They specialize in taking care of ill or premature newborns.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait. My last (dreadful) course from my bachelor's degree has started and I forgot how many articles I actually have to read...  
I can't promise I'll update every week, but I'll try!
> 
> For now, enjoy this chapter!

Her first full week as an official resident at the Royal London Hospital is nothing but exhilarating. Her days are filled with basically running around, seeing patients and taking care of them. From giving tiny kids their first vaccines to administering asthma medication when patients are rushed in with severe shortness of breath.

All the new residents attend education given by an attending physician. They usually get a small lecture about a particular interesting medical case, often about illnesses that are fairly unique and rare. They urge the residents to come up with a solid medical plan and at home, research needs to be done to read more about the specific symptoms and different treatments.

Working together with doctor Lister goes smoothly. For some reason, it feels like they have worked together for a long time already. They cooperate seamlessly, sensing what the other needs and complementing each other when working with patients.

She already attended her first surgery in the operating room, observing the capable hands of doctor Lister at work. The patient on the operating table had an infected appendix, which needed to be removed. The surgical treatment was carried out via a laparoscopy in which they make a tiny incision and insert a small camera and surgical tools to perform an appendectomy. It is amazing to see a skilled doctor at work, operating with miniscule precision while looking only at a monitor to guide their actions. Ann is not allowed to do anything yet, but it is still very fascinating and instructive to watch.

* * *

  
On Friday, she finally has a day off and nothing will stop her from sleeping in until noon. Unfortunately, her biological clock is still set for 6 A.M. and after some tossing and turning in bed, Ann gets up around 9, not being able to sleep anymore. With a big yawn, _hospital days are tiresome,_ she stretches her arms up above her head and scratches the back of her neck. She walks over to her desk, perched in front of the window. The light outside is beautiful and golden rays are filtering in through the old glass and illuminate the room in warm colours.

She opens her agenda sitting on her desk, to see if she has any appointments for today.

_Oh right, it’s Friday!_

Excitedly she bits her bottom lip and smiles. Tonight, Harriet and Catherine will come to London to stay for two days. She only starts her next shift Sunday evening, so it is perfectly timed. They might even go visit a night club on Saturday evening.

She dresses herself in a light dress, taking full advantage of the lone warm days still left, and puts her hair up in a messy bun. Touching the bracelet on her wrist, she looks down at it, confirming it is still there. Thanks to hospital policy she can’t wear it at work, but she would often forget the rule and the bracelet would be lying in her locker for a few days. In fear of losing it, she now takes it off every night before going to bed. Elizabeth gave it to her, and it has become a very precious gift.

The house is eerily quiet when she walks downstairs to the kitchen, Elizabeth must have taken the kids somewhere. The house feels empty, something which Ann is not used to.

After her parents died, she lived with her sister for a very long time until Elizabeth moved to London to live with George. Dreading to live alone in a dorm room, she was more than happy that Harriet proposed for the three of them to live together after they met during Freshers’ week. She likes having people around, although she also likes being by herself in her own room. But it is a comforting feeling to know that people are living in the same house and she can interact with them when feeling like it.

Taking a quick snack from the refrigerator, she texts her sister to ask where she is and decides to go outside. It is a lovely day, although she still needs a light jacket to keep warm.

When visiting Elizabeth in London during her college years, they often visited a bakery café only in 10 minutes walking distance from the house. It is now one of her favourite places in the whole of London. It is a small local company, their interior cosily decorated with vintage furniture. The staff are wonderful, friendly people and the coffee and pastries are to die for. Mostly locals visit the place, luckily the nosy and loud tourists haven’t discovered this little gem yet.

She walks lazily along the Thames, watching the boats cruising the river, filled with all kinds of people. Willow trees are growing on the river banks, their long branches softly dangling in the wind. This part of London is beautiful. All around, she can see large Victorian houses, dating from the early 19th century. She isn’t the only one with the idea of strolling along the Thames, other people are enjoying the sunny day as well. Some are walking their dog. Others are jogging along the pathway, and some are lying down in the grass along the pavement, reading a book or talking with their companions.

She enjoys people watching and her eyes roam around, observing their behaviour. It seems everyone is in a good mood. Well, it is almost weekend, and the sun is shining, so who wouldn’t be?

With a content feeling, she walks inside Crow Nest, the name of the café and walks up to the bar.

“Hey James,” giving a friendly nod at James, an employee who is always very cordial and friendly towards her, she looks at the large menu written on chalkboard on the wall. It’s not necessary actually because coming here frequently means she already has a favourite drink and she normally does not deviate from it.

“The same as usual Miss Walker?”

“Uh yes. But add whipped cream on top please this time. And James! You can just say Ann, I thought we were friends!” in a playful manner, she arches one eyebrow towards him.

“But you’re still my customer miss. Just following the rules.” James retorts back, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. “The customer is king, and kings aren’t called by their first name!”

“Well, as a king I demand I speak with the manager of this fine establishment sir! I should be given my proper rights!”

“Luckily for you, you are standing right in front of him Miss. And the rules state that the manager dictates what is said to the customers in this fine… _establishment_.” Now smiling widely, James taps the order into the computer and gives the bill to Ann.

“You just wait James, one day you will call me by my first name!”

“Oh I won’t be so sure of that Miss.” He winks at her and turns around to prepare her drink while she pays.

From the first moment she stepped into Crow Nest, James would always call her Miss or Miss Walker. Even now, when they are definitely on a friendly basis, he won’t stop calling her that way. It has now become her mission to let him have a slip of the tongue and say her first name, but so far, she hasn’t been successful.

James is a fine lad, always welcoming but never trying to overstep his mark or trying to be more than only friendly. She has had some lovely chats with him in the couple of times the bakery was empty.

While waiting for her order, she looks at the pastries behind the glass wall, tempted to also buy a brownie. But she keeps herself from indulging in her sweet tooth. She already added whipped cream.

“Is it to go?

Hearing James speak to her pulls her back from her daydreaming.

“Yes please.”

Putting a lid on top of the cup, he hands the beverage over to Ann.

“Here you go Miss. Have a lovely day!”

“Thank you, James!” and with a genuine smile, she leaves the bakery. Sunrays shine on her face as she steps outside, and she starts slowly walking back to the house. Elizabeth hasn’t replied to her message yet, but she reckons it won’t be long till her sister is back at home. And anyways, the quietness will be good to study some medical cases.

Humming to herself she takes little sips; the coffee is still hot.

While taking another sip, she suddenly hears a soft voice next to her ear.

“Is it good?”

Startled by the voice, she turns around and looks straight into the face of none other than Anne Lister.

Immediately she begins to cough, nearly choking on the drink.

“Oh my, I startled you, didn’t I.” Anne starts rubbing her back. Which is not helping her from stopping with coughing, but it is making her feel all different kinds of things.

_Why can’t I function like a normal human being around this woman?_

Finally, her coughing subdues, and she is able to look the other woman in the eyes again.

“Doctor Lister-”

“Please call me Anne.” The brown-haired woman smiles at her.

Having recovered from the coughing fit, she now is able to properly look at Anne. She is dressed in a sportive outfit. She is wearing a tank top, showing her bare arms, and her legs are hugged by running tights, which show all the right curves.  
  
And it’s a sin. Its definitely a sin to walk around in those clothes in public. Ann must make a huge effort to look back up to Anne’s face.

“Are you running?” she finally asks. Its fairly obvious, but still.

“Yes. On days off from work, I like to run. I’m actually halfway round my usual track.”

And _of course_ she looks perfectly fine. Her face isn’t red and puffy in the slightest. A huge contrast to Ann when she sporadically visits the gym. She always looks like a tomato during exercise.

“And you? Enjoying a stroll along the Thames?”

“Yes, well- actually, I’m walking back home. I just got coffee from Crow Nest, my favourite bakery.” She points back at the building. “And now I’m heading home again. It’s only a 10-minute walk.”

“Let me walk you back home then.” Anne smiles sincerely at her, her hand still resting on Ann’s back. But the silence between them makes them both realise it is still there, and Anne quickly pulls her hand away, to the dismay of Ann.

“Are you sure? I’m not interrupting your run?”

“Not at all. A little break would be nice.”

And so together they walk towards her family house. Their conversation for once is not filled with medical jargon or discussing patients. It is filled with favourite coffee brands, favourite seasons and favourite books. They walk at a slow pace, enjoying each other’s company. She could have never imagined that someone as interesting and bold as Anne Lister would take the time to have an actual conversation with her, about casual topics. But she listens to her, to her rambling. And she laughs at things she says. Her eyes light up when she smiles and the wrinkles next to her eyes are adorable. When Anne is talking about her favourite books, it is absolutely captivating to listen to and she realises she could listen for hours. Unfortunately, the walk home is only short and soon they arrive at the big blue door.

“So, someone special waiting for you at home?” Anne asks her with a neutral expression on her face.

“I count my sister as very special to me yes. But no special woman to come home to yet.” Her heart beats fast against her ribcage. She reads Anne’s face looking for clues to see how she feels about her not so subtle reference.

Can she ask the same question back? Anne is still her supervisor and she is afraid she will overstep the line. She noticed Anne is not wearing a wedding ring but that honestly doesn’t say a lot when that person is also working in a hospital were wearing rings aren’t allowed. Surely she must have someone significant in her life. Who wouldn’t want to be with Anne Lister?

But Anne seems to read her mind and answers her unspoken question with a smile.

“I only have a cat to come back to right now, no wife yet in sight.” With a twinkle in her eyes she looks at Ann.

Cats are nice. So she is still single.

No wife.

Oh_…_

_Oh_

Her heart skips a beat. She is at a loss for words. She would have never imagined that the woman she clearly has a crush on, one of the most beautiful woman to grace this planet, is actually queer. Just like her. Her attraction to the brown eyed woman is now increased tenfold. She can only stare at Anne, who is not fazed by her silence and the probably weird look on her face.

“Well, I am off then. Thank you for the nice break, and I will see you Sunday at work.” Anne winks at her and starts walking away.

“I uh- Yeah… See you Sunday…”

And she is gone. Already jogging at a steady pace back the way they came from. Ann’s brain needs a second to restart and she watches Anne’s profile until she can’t see her anymore.

With a shaky hand she opens the front door and closes it behind her, resting her back against the closed door. She exhales a deep breath and needs a second to compose herself. All kinds of feelings are swirling through her body, and she needs time to process them.

“_Holy mother of- ”_

But she swallows her words when she hears soft steps running towards her from the living room.

And with wobbly legs, her niece comes running down the hallway towards her, crashing into her legs and giving her a hug.

“Aunt Ann!” she screeches happily, words muffled by her face pressed into Ann’s legs.

“Hey Emma. What did you do with mum and Jack today?” And with a smile, and glad for the pleasant distraction from the turmoil inside her, she picks up her niece and walks towards the living room with her, while Emma tells about her adventures.

* * *

She barely has time to think about her coincidental meetup with Anne today because it isn’t long until Catherine and Harriet arrive, and with them a storm of words and excitement. They update each other on their lives, it is almost worthy of a PowerPoint presentation. Both of the girls relentlessly interrogate Ann about the hot doctors at work, and Ann lets the name of doctor Lister slip from her tongue. Which was obviously a mistake because Harriet, suddenly grinning madly, immediately starts thoroughly researching everything there is to know about Anne Lister on the web. She is pretty good at that stuff actually, mostly because she will persevere until she gets everything she needs. Unfortunately, Anne Listers social media accounts are all set on private, but Harriet still manages to succeed in finding some new information about her. Apparently, she has a sister called Marian and her cat is named Freddy.

That Friday evening is filled with hot chocolate milk, warm blankets and lots of laughter. It is cosy and comfortable and everything she needs right now. It’s not like she hasn’t seen her friends in months, but she missed them anyways. In York they got to see each other daily, and Ann still has to adjust to this.

Saturday they all sleep in, after staying up until 2 a.m. the previous night, talking until sleep got a grip of them. Elizabeth makes them lunch and of course the charms of Jack and Emma win Harriet and Catherine over in a heartbeat. And it isn’t long till the two have succumbed to the demands to play with the toddlers.

* * *

  
“Ready for some partying girls?” Harriet asks as she is applying the last touches of mascara on her eyelashes in front of the mirror.

“Oh yes I am!” Catherine excitedly answers while trying on different tops. “How does this look?” She shows her outfit to Ann, twirling around for extra effect.

“Honestly Cath, how many clothes did you take with you? You’re only here for two nights! But yeah you look really good.”

“How could I know on forehand in what mood I would be on this lovely evening? My mood decides my outfit, and how many moods can a person have? That’s right, _a lot_.” She is still not happy with her current outfit, and although it looks fine, takes her top off while Ann rolls her eyes at her.

“You better hurry darling, the cab is here any second now, right Ann?” Harriet smirks at Ann, both aware of the endless rituals of Catherine Rawson.

Finally Catherine decides on an outfit, just in time as they can hear the honk of a car outside. Eagerly they rush downstairs, while Ann hushes them to be quiet, aware of her sleeping nephew and niece.

“Have fun girls! And call me if anything happens, I’ll keep my phone beside my bed!” Elizabeth pokes her head out of the living room and gives them a wave.

They get in the cab and off they go, to the nightclubs in London.

“Oh your sister is lovely Ann.”

With a smile and a warm feeling, Ann definitely agrees. “Yes. Yes she is.”

They arrive at their destination, a night club in the heart of London, actually not that far away from her home but still too far to walk to.

She likes clubbing to some extent and would occasionally go with Harriet and Catherine in York. But she also prefers a quiet night at home with a good book or watching some Netflix. She hasn’t been to any clubs in London yet, Harriet knows a few so they follow her inside the first club. It is a big building with two floors and many people coming out and going in.

Immediately the low beat of the music reverberates throughout her body when Ann takes a step inside. The club is filled to the brim, probably because it is a Saturday night and they have to elbow their way through the crowd, linking hands to not lose each other. The music is loud, too loud to have any chance of a decent conversation, so they only yell the necessities to each other. And right now, the necessity is beer and cocktails, so they make their way to the bar on the right end.

They begin the night with a couple of shots, cheering for their friendship and the alcohol flows down her throat into her stomach, leaving a burning trail in her mouth. The shots are strong, but Ann likes it that way, it takes the edge off and makes her feel more at ease with so many people around her and all the bodies that press and bump into her. They find a spot to let their bodies take over and flow into the rhythm of the music. Lost into her own world, dancing to the music, feeling the alcohol already influencing her, she closes her eyes and enjoys the sensations around her.

When she opens her eyes, she sees Harriet looking at her, a questioning look in her eyes, making sure that she is feeling alright.

And she feels good.

Nodding and smiling at Harriet, she sees her friend relax and they dance together to the wild beat of the song filling the room.The three cocktails they took with them from the bar are quickly finished and they are all starting to feel a bit tipsy. 

Ann is having a grand time, and by the looks of it, her friends as well.

Suddenly she feels two hands snake around her waist from behind, and a voice, with slurred speech, whispers in her ear.

“Miss Walker, I’m so glad to see you tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is this mysterious person talking to Ann?   
Wait and see...
> 
> So I found out that the first introduction week in England for students is called Freshers' Week. I had never heard of that before. It's a funny word. 
> 
> Leave your thoughts below in the comments, I love to read them!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments! I really love reading all your input and thoughts about this story!   
Keep them coming :)

The hot breath of the person behind her tickles her ear and she turns around, not yet recognizing the voice talking to her. She feels dread settling in her stomach at the sight of the person in front of her, who is still holding her sides. Frowning, she meets the blue eyes of Thomas Ainsworth, a wicked glimmer in his glassy eyes. It is clear to Ann he must be inebriated.

“D-doctor Ainsworth.” She stammers as she takes a step backwards to relieve herself of his touching hands. But it’s no use. The club is filled with people with little room to walk, and so she bumps into bodies behind her and stays in place.

“You can call me Thomas anytime.” He grins at her and leans in, his breath smelling like alcohol, not at all a pleasant odour.

To say this is awkward is an understatement and Ann feels far from comfortable. His hands are still touching her sides and they feel rough and invading. One hand is slowly moving towards her back and up her side and she feels a shudder run through her body. But not because of a pleasant feeling accompanied by a welcomed touch, oh no, this one makes her body freeze because she hates it.

“I- I rather not h-have your hands on me…” She declares with a small voice. She can feel a panic attack rising and she doesn’t know what to do.  
  
But either Thomas doesn’t hear her or doesn’t care, as he steps even closer to her, almost pressing his body against her. She is now rapidly breathing, and she feels her body tensing, adrenaline rushing through her veins.  
Of course, she has encountered unwanted advances before when going out, and she would firmly, but gently, always reject the suitors. But never has someone she actually knows, who set off her alarm bells from the first minute they met, invaded her personal space like this.

“Hmmm, you smell great Ann.”

Disgusted by his manner, she finally pushes one hand away, but it immediately claims its spot back on her lower backside.

“Ahh, a feisty girl, I like that.” And he starts lowering his hand towards her bottom, his long fingers kneading her flesh. It feels like hours passing by while being in this dire predicament but in reality it all happened in mere seconds.

All of a sudden, a hand grabs her arm and she is pulled sideways, distancing herself from Thomas. And the furious face of Catherine comes into view.

“Get away from her you perv!” she pushes Thomas backwards, and he stumbles on his feet, almost falling down, were it not for the bodies behind him keeping him upright.

Ann can see a mix of emotions on his face, from confusion to anger, and then a cold expression finally settles. It is very uncanny to see. 

“Let’s get out of here.” Harriet was the one who pulled her sideways and she takes Ann’s hand firmly in hers, giving it an assuring squeeze.

Catherine shoots one last menacing glare towards Thomas and then leads the way outside, a bit aggressively pushing away the people in front of her.

They pick up their coats and step outside, in the now chilly London air. Ann finally feels herself starting to relax a bit now that the loud music and bodies surrounding her are gone.

They walk down the street towards a little bench, and they sit down. Ann in the middle and Harriet and Catherine on both her sides.

“Are you alright Ann?” with a concerned look in her eyes, Harriet looks at her. She now notices she is trembling.

Releasing a shaky breath, she looks at Harriet and Catherine, “Y-Yes. God, I totally froze. Thank you for saving me.” And with a small smile she grabs her friends hands, sending a thank you message through her touch. 

“Fuck, that was a creepy guy, the way he looked at you. It made me feel sick in my stomach.” Catherine frowns.

“Yeah, I- Uh, I actually know him. He is a doctor at my hospital.” With a small voice she stares at the ground.

“Oh Ann… That’s horrible! Has he come on to you before? You should report him to HR!”

“He has done nothing inappropriate in the hospital though, besides only staring at me. I don’t want to make a fuss over nothing. It was all probably because of the alcohol…” But deep down she knows that it’s not only the alcohol that made Thomas behave so inappropriately towards her.

“Well, stay away from him Ann. And just text me if he tries anything again. I will find him!” Catherine puts her arm around her while Harriet lays her head on Ann’s shoulders. A feeling of warmth travels throughout her body and surrounded by her best friends she closes her eyes and enjoys this sweet and tender moment.

  
  


* * *

After a while Harriet sits up straight and looks at both of them.

“I have a perfect idea!” and with a smile and sparkling eyes, she gets up and drags Ann and Catherine on their feet. “Follow me!”

They follow Harriet, who, with a bouncy walk, excitedly ushers them into a building after a short walk. Ann is not sure where they will end up.

Pushing a curtain to the side, they end up in a room with lots of chairs and tables and a stage at the end. There are a lot of people inside, and the air is filled with voices. They sit down in an empty booth while Harriet rushes to the bar and talks to the barman. After looking around for a bit, Ann suddenly gets an inkling of where they are and with big eyes, she looks at Charlotte.

“Is this what I think it is?”

Before she finishes that sentence, the crowd erupts in cheers as someone from the audience walks on stage.

Charlotte is laughing with glee, already quite aware of what Harriet has planned for them.

Music starts to swell and the guy on the stage takes the microphone and starts singing.

_Oh lord!_ A karaoke bar… Her unpleasant encounter with Thomas Ainsworth completely sobered her up and she isn’t sure if she can handle this right now.

Harriet returns to their table with three shots.

“I know the person working here, and I was able to pull some strings.” She raises her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

“Aha.” Charlotte chuckles as she takes a shot from Harriet.

“Drink this, we are next!” she gives the left over shot to Ann, and on the count of three they down the drink.

It is a very strong one because Ann can already feel it impacting her brain.

The guy singing on stage has finished and with a grand bow, he walks off the stage with a round of applause.

“Annnnndddd the next song will be performed by Harriet, Charlotte and Ann! Where are you girls? Get onnnn the stage!”

The announcer calls them, and with a small bit of reluctance, she follows her two very excited friends towards the stage while the crowd cheers them on.

Harriet wouldn’t tell what song she chose but she was certain Ann would know it. So nervously she waits while the announcer presses the correct button to start the song. The piano intro starts and after a few seconds she recognises melody and it puts a smile on her face. She leans into Harriet and smiles at her.

“Perfect.”

And the three of them sing enthusiastically together to ‘Fuck You’ by Lilly Allen while having a very particular person in mind. It feels so good to let it all out in a song, and she feels instantly better. Though she is glad it isn’t recorded because they are still tipsy, and she imagines it doesn’t sound that great. When the song ends, they are all giddy and laughing, the bad taste in her mouth from the dance club forgotten and they head home, eager for their bed.

With a satisfied feeling, they crawl into their beds. And after talking for a while, they say their goodnights and Ann is left with her own thoughts. The evening certainly didn’t go as expected. She decides she will evade Thomas for the rest of her time in the hospital. How she will be able to do that, she doesn’t know yet, but she will manage. Working in a hospital has always been her dream and she won’t let some idiot ruin it.

  


* * *

Having said goodbye to her friends in the afternoon, she is already sad that they are leaving again. They had enthusiastically waved at her from behind the window of the train before it moved out of sight. With a deep sigh she starts preparing for her next shift in the hospital while blinking away some lone tears. Her friends have been, and are still, a great support to her and she misses talking to them everyday face to face. But she seems to get along well with some of the other residents and she hopes she can be friends with them. John, Eugénie and Jeremiah seem like friendly people.

All of her thoughts are immediately swiped away when she sees Anne Lister in her white coat again. She looks formal and pristine and when she smiles at Ann, her heart is set on fire. The evening starts with consulting with numerous doctors and nurses to discuss the patients, and as usual, after the sign-out they make their rounds, checking up on the patients on their floor. The evening is uneventful in itself, no major emergencies happen and after a couple of hours pass, they both find themselves in the office of doctor Lister. The patients are asleep and now is the time to catch up on paperwork.

They are both typing away on a computer, and Ann is very aware of the presence of doctor Lister besides her. There is no talking right now between the two of them, but it isn’t unpleasant at all.  
Anne is murmuring a song while meticulously writing a report. And Ann can’t help herself but glance every so often to her side to watch the side profile of her attending. With a concentrated look on her face, Anne is scrunching her nose, eyes fixed on the screen. It looks rather adorable.

Searching the web for medical cases is going at a very slow rate and she finds it hard to concentrate. She is reading a paper on the Ehlers-Danlos syndrome but it is long-winded and uses a lot of medical terms she is not quite familiar with. But she makes notes of them all, always eager to learn and to expand her knowledge.

“Can you pass me the top paper in the basket to your left?”

She looks at doctor Lister as Anne points towards the folder on her left.

“Yes of course.” And she grabs the paper and reaches it out to Anne who takes it from her outstretched hand. The paper slides along her palm and she yelps in slight pain. She doesn’t really know how it happened, but the paper has cut her. It has already started to bleed a little.

Anne immediately gets up out of her chair and with a concerned look on her face looks at Ann, the paper now forgotten on the desk.

“What happened?”

“Oh it’s nothing. I accidentally got a paper cut.” But the darn thing actually hurts quite a lot. Even though it is a shallow wound, all the nerves in her hand make sure that it is noticeable and painful. And her face must show it for Ann reaches out and takes her hand in hers.

“Let me see.” And with soft touches she inspects the cut on her hand while sitting back in her chair and scooting over to Ann. At the touch of her hands, she feels goosebumps rising on her arms and a shiver runs through her body. If Anne notices this, she doesn’t show it, and instead continuous with her cautious check-up, dabbing a tissue on the wound to stop the bleeding.

She looks back at Ann and smiles.

“Good thing, you don’t need to go to the hospital. You’re already in one!” And she laughs, and its beautiful and it gives Ann a fluttering feeling in her stomach when she hears the melodious tones coming out the doctors mouth.

Still chuckling, Anne continues. “But yes, its only a papercut. No bandage is needed.” She still hasn’t let go of her hands and now her soft fingers are trailing upwards towards her wrist. And the touch ends at her scar, a small white line protruding from the otherwise smooth skin.

And Ann feels her breath get stuck in her throat. She is always very careful with showing her wrist, and the scar is barely noticeable, but if someone takes a proper look at it, they know how it is formed. It is plainly obvious. Nervously she looks back at Anne, but the brown-haired woman is still looking at her wrist, her thumb now moving along the outer edges. A frown is forming on her face, and with a questioning look, she now searches Ann’s eyes, concern etched on her face.

No words were spoken out loud, but she sees the question in her brown eyes. And so, she thinks of what to say, if there is possibly anything to say. Maybe doctor Lister would send her home straight away, too unsuited to work as a doctor now she knows how mentally unstable she can be.

“I-uh… It’s from a time when I wasn’t able to cope with my mental state in a healthy way.” and with a deep sigh she continues. “I am in a better place now fortunately.” It is all said in a small voice, very unlike her. But the scar does remind her of worse times and how people viewed her in that period, it wasn’t pleasant to say the least. She noticed people taking their distance, not wanting to be involved, only wanting to be there in the good times.

“Oh Ann.”

And it is spoken with such compassion, no trace of malice or hurtful prejudices in her voice.

“I’m so sorry.” And while Anne’s right hand is still stroking her wrist, her left hand clutches Ann’s knee, giving it a firm squeeze.

The moment between them is tender and it feels like they are in their own bubble. There is only the two of them.

Anne is still staring into her eyes, her brown orbits reflecting a deep understanding, and she can spot a tad of sadness inside. And all she can do is lose herself in those eyes, while feeling the pleasant burns of the doctor’s touches on her knee and hand. She is under the spell of Anne Lister, and she will undeniably do anything this woman might ask of her.

Time is stretched to eternity and it takes the beeping of their pagers to get them back to earth.

Reluctantly, Anne releases her hand and knee and checks her pager. Immediately looking worried, she leaps up and starts beelining for the door.

“Code blue. It’s Henry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It made my skin crawl writing that scene with Thomas...
> 
> I think most of us have experienced at least once in their lives unwanted advances and touches from other people, and it sucks, especially when you freeze and don't know what to do. 
> 
> Code blue = Medical emergency


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter! 
> 
> I am so sorry for the long wait! 
> 
> A lot of things happened in my life. I had almost finished this chapter around oktober last year, but then my laptop crashed and I lost the whole document... I have been an utter fool not saving it somewhere online...  
It did deter me from writing for a while. I couldn't bring up the motivation to rewrite the whole chapter again.  
Next to that, I moved to the other side of the world which was very exciting in itself. Exploring and living in a new country didn't give me much energy for writing unfortunately...
> 
> I did see all your lovely comments and it made my heart ache everytime. I read them and I cherish them!  
So thank you all so much for the ongoing love and be assured, I will not give up on this fanfic!  
You guys are what made me continue writing this story.
> 
> A special thanks to SAfD and especially Gemma J (I felt called out haha) for being the final nudge that pushed me over to start writing again:) It makes my world knowing that people read this and are interested!
> 
> Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy!

Rushing out of the office, they practically run to Henry’s room. Nurses are already pouring in, carrying the crash cart with them.  
The sight before Ann’s eyes is not something she will easily forget when she steps into the room. Nurses are attaching more IV fluids to the IV drip while checking the stats of a pale Henry who is lying in the hospital bed, breathing very fast. He is murmuring words that no one can decipher while shivering uncontrollably.  
Alice is standing in a corner of the room, her face ashen coloured and with an intense worried look etched on her face.

Anne hurries to Henry’s side and starts taking his pulse.

“Stats?”

One of the nurses answers.

“Patient begin to not feel well as of 10 minutes ago. High respiratory rate with a fever of 40.5 C. Low blood pressure and the patient is not responding to simple questions.”

“Start intubating and administer antibiotics directly.” Doctor Lister starts to give orders to the nurses while Ann rushes over to Henry’s head and starts helping with intubating.

“Pulse is racing.” With a determined look in her eyes, Anne starts unwrapping the bandages on Henry’s leg together with a nurse to inspect the wound. It looks red and inflamed with pus clearly visible around the edges.

The atmosphere in the room is tense. Ann could feel the pressure of frantically trying to stabilise the boy in front of their mother who is clutching one of Henry’s teddy bears in a death grip. Anne is giving direct and clear orders, working methodically though it seems a race against the clock. Henry is giving no signs of improvement, if only, he may seem to get worse. Doctor Lister is discussing with the nurses and other physicians who responded to the code about the next course of action. Finally, Anne makes the call to get Henry as fast as possible into an operating room.

“He is going into septic shock. Prep theatre for emergency operation” She orders a nurse standing close to her, who immediately runs off to alarm the necessary people.

Pulling the sides of the hospital bed up and releasing the brakes, the nurses prepare the boy for a swift move through the hospital to the nearest operating room. One nurse, meanwhile, leads Alice away who is just confused and still looking very pale. Ann feels tremendously sorry for her but the best thing to do right now is to try and save little Henry. Rolling the bed out of the room, doctor Anne takes the lead towards the elevators, walking a fast pace. Ann just follows her, not completely sure what to do. Can she join the operation? Or is she not advanced enough in her knowledge and residency to assume she can do anything helpful.

“What do you know about septic shock?” Anne Lister looks at her while they are hurrying towards the theatre room.

Ann scrambles her mind, thinking about all those hours of studying, reading medical books over and over. She starts spilling words on the serious and threatening condition, about organ failure and low blood pressure.

Tires screeching to a halt at the OR room, she looks at Anne, who nods at her with grim eyes.

“Get your scrubs on Walker, you’re joining me.”

* * *

The operation was critical but a success. Methodically, Anne and another paediatrics surgeon remove another part of the leg. They cut away all the inflamed and infected tissue and hope that this time, the infection will be kept at bay. Ann is soaking in all the actions and conversations. She is not helping yet, but it is a great learning opportunity, even though it is a grave situation. Henry’s status slowly improves during the operation, from endangered to critical to stable. For now at least. They finish and start to clean up. Henry is transferred to the ICU where they will keep a close eye on him.

In silence, they both walk back to Alice, who is waiting anxiously in the waiting area. Ann can feel the thoughts and turmoil radiating off Anne, sees the doubt swimming in her eyes, the frown between her eyebrows.  
At a loss for words on what to say, they arrive at the waiting area, Alice notices them and jumps up. Hope and fear both vividly displayed on her face. She still clutches the teddy bear in one hand.

“H-how is he?” with a small voice, she looks doctor Lister in the eyes. Tears starting to well in hers.

All traces of doubt and hesitation gone, Anne gives a supporting smile to Henry’s mother.

“The operation was a success. Henry is stable and recovering in the intensive care unit. The infection of the stump worsened unfortunately and we had to surgically remove more of his upper leg. The wound is looking fine and we expect no further problems. All of the inflammation has been cut away.” She sighs, and continues. “It did take a heavy toll on his body I’m afraid. He will need some time to recover from this setback.”

“But-but is he healthy?”

“He is a little fighter, your son. Unbelievably strong.” And with a rare sight of affection, Anne takes Alice’s hand in her own and says, “He will get better, I will do everything in my power to make sure of that.”

At those words, Alice begins to release the tension inside her. Her shoulders are visibly relaxing.

“Oh thank you doctor!” with a great big sigh she rubs her forehead. “I owe you everything.”

“It is my job Alice.” The doctor nods at the woman, a stern façade now visible to Ann.

“Doctor Walker will escort you to his room. He is still asleep and recovering from the surgery. The nurses will take excellent care of him this night. We will check in first thing this morning.”

And with that being said, the brown-haired woman briskly walks off, leaving Ann with a tearful mother.  
Glancing back at the disappearing figure of Anne Lister, Ann softly guides Alice to Henry’s room.

“This way Miss.”

After dropping of Alice at Henry’s side and assuring her he is stable and fine, she sets of to find her supervisor. The hospital is almost empty, giving it an eerie feeling. With quick strides, almost feeling like mimicking Anne Lister (_that woman has an unbelievable fast pace_), she arrives at the office and walks inside.

Except…

It is empty.

Confused for a moment, Ann is unsure where her attending has gone to. She hasn’t gone home right? Looking at the clock, her eyes widen. _Oh lord, is that the time?_ She can feel the tiredness sinking in now. The operation took a couple of hours and was very intense. Suddenly it occurs to her that Anne too must be exhausted. And the only place to sleep here is an on-call room. Quickly taking her bag and closing the door behind her, she finds the nearest one and softly opens the door, unsure if someone is sleeping.

She needn’t worry.

A small light emits a soft glow to the room. Two bunkbeds are located in the room, opposite of each other. On the left one, a person is sitting, or rather slouching on the lower bunkbed. Hair loose, and draped over shoulders, eyes cast downwards.  
Ann’s heart jumps at the sight of the woman in front of her.

She takes a step forward, closing the door behind her.

“Doctor Lister?”

It is obvious that this patient case, this involvement in Henry, takes a toll on Anne Lister, who is visibly a bit shaken.

Acknowledging her presence, Anne looks up, eyes dark and unreadable.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you- are you alright?” With a worried look on her face, Ann waits for a reply. Which comes after a while.

“I’m always alright.”

They both know this isn’t true but the silence hangs in the air. Unsure of what to do, Ann waits. Maybe Anne will say something. But after a while, the silence is too heavy and awkward and Ann starts walking towards the other bunkbed. The older woman doesn’t want to talk right now. And still, Ann can’t help herself. Seeing another person in such a vulnerable state, her heart always aches to comfort them. Maybe that is the doctor in her. She sits down on the other bunkbed opposite Anne and looks at her. The other woman is staring at a non-existent spot on the wall, a forlorn expression on her face.

“You did great doctor Lis- I mean Anne. You saved Henry’s life.”

There, she said it. It’s the truth. She doesn’t quite understand what is happening with Anne, but she senses it has to do with Henry and his mother.

Anne sighs.

“This shouldn’t have happened. I- I wasn’t paying enough attention. My involvement in the boy was clouding my judgement. He- he could have died Ann.”

She looks at Ann with such a desolate appearance that Ann’s heart shatters in a million pieces. How she longs to comfort the doctor, to give her a hug. But that would definitely be overstepping the line. She is still her superior. Not her friend, even though she would want her to be.

“But he didn’t.” With a confident posture she addresses Anne. “He lives, and that’s thanks to you! You couldn’t have known what would happen. Sepsis is nasty and unpredictable. Don’t blame yourself. You are a very capable doctor. One of the best if I may say so. And Henry is very lucky to have you as his doctor.” With a small smile, she tries to cheer her up.

She sees Anne thinking about her words, turning them over in her head. Depicting them. Seeing if there’s any truth to it.

“You care about your patients Anne. That’s a great quality to have.”

Anne sighs again. “I guess you’re right. But it makes it sometimes damn hard as well…”

“Being a doctor is not an easy job. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.”

“Me neither.”

Remembering something she had put in her bag, Ann drags it up to her lap. For _emergencies _as she calls it. Taking out a chocolate bar, she hands it over to Anne, giving her a coy smile.

“Chocolate always makes me feel better.”

Anne can’t help but chuckle as she takes the relief offering from her resident.

“It does, doesn’t it?” She rips open the package and takes a bite.

Glad that she is able to put a smile on Anne’s face, Ann’s smile widens a bit more in response. Anne devours her chocolate bar. The woman probably hasn’t eaten properly in while, always being busy and running around. Ann can’t help but stare a bit as she licks her fingers, sticky with melted chocolate. _Inappropriate thoughts Ann! Shut it!_

Nervously glancing away she looks at the clock in the room.

“Oh Lord, I should get some sleep.”

Anne follows her view and her eyebrows lift up.

“Yes, you’re right.”

They both get dressed quickly, some basic pyjama’s are provided as well as some amenities in the on-call rooms. Having brushed her teeth, Ann slips underneath her blanket after turning off the lights. Her bed feels like heaven right now. Anne Lister is already laying in the opposite bunk bed, reading something on her phone.

The tiredness presses heavy on Ann and she feels her eyelids closing without control. She is almost gone to the land of dreams but then she hears a hesitant voice from the other side of the room.

“Ann?”

Immediately wide awake, she answers, “yes?”

“Thank you.”

Ann smiles in her bed, feeling all warm on the inside as a result of the sincere acknowledgement given.

“You’re welcome. Good night doctor Lister.”

“Good night to you too.”

And with a content feeling, she falls asleep as soon as she closes her eyes again.

* * *

  
A soft murmur tips her out of her deep slumber.

“_Ann._”

“_Ann, wake up.”_

A melodious voice is drifting to her ears, sounding all too pleasant. Ann feels a soft weight on her upper arm. Slowly she opens her eyes, blinking because of the light in the room. Brown eyes meet hers. And the soft pressure on her arm belongs to a hand with slender fingers, gently shaking it to wake up the sleepy girl.  
She blinks a few times just to be sure of whose face is mere inches from her own.

_Is she still dreaming?_

Only a breath later, the face belonging to none other than Anne Lister moves backwards. The hand on her arm gives a last squeeze and then disappears. The doctor in front of her stands up straight. She looks impeccable and pristine. Her brown hair is pinned up in a neat bun, two sidelocks illuminating the brown in her eyes. Her crisp white doctors coat is waving around her. The vulnerable state from yesterday evening is gone. Back is the confident and ever courageous doctor Lister.

“Rounds will be starting soon. I’m heading to my office right now to prepare the paperwork. Meet me in ten?” With a tender smile, Anne looks down at the still barely awake girl.

Pointing to the nightstand next to the bed, where a coffee cup is resting on, she says; “I brought you some coffee as well. We had a short night so prepare for a long day.” And with a wink, doctor Lister is gone, leaving a whirlwind of emotions behind.

“I- Uh, yeah… Thanks…” Ann says to a door already slowly closing.

_Ohhh_. Closing her eyes and rolling over in bed, she groans. She was _not_ prepared for that in the morning and her brain is still not completely awake to fully comprehend what just happened. She thinks back about the events of yesterday evening and night. It was intense and overwhelming and admittedly a bit weird to see Anne Lister being vulnerable. From the outside, she has always been this strong, untouchable, and often unreadable woman. Ann felt privileged that she showed some of her inner parts to her, and she is only a resident, nobody special. Showing feelings is not a sign of weakness, although you have to be careful with doing it… People can take advantage.  
She would never take advantage of Anne Lister though.

Not in a million years.

Slowly getting out of bed, she walks over to the standing mirror and looks into it before almost shrieking and running immediately to the attached bathroom, frantically trying to tame her bed head hair with water. _Oh lord, this is going to be some day…_

* * *

The days of the week fly by and every night she is beyond exhausted when arriving home. She barely gets to see Elizabeth or her cousins and only wants sleep before waking up again to start a long day at the hospital. Although their conversation in the on-call room is not mentioned or spoken of again, Ann feels it created a more closer bond between the two of them. They both act more freely around each other, and to Ann, it is an absolute pleasure to work together with Anne Lister. She hopes the older doctor feels the same way. They do often check in with Henry, who is, fortunately, showing great signs of improvement, with no further infection. Although it still is too soon to have a final say. He even makes little jokes with doctor Lister again after being so weak the first two days following the emergency operation. Still, she doesn’t really get to see her attending a lot this week. Anne is such a busy person, running from team meetings to board meetings to teaching lessons. Ann does her job as a resident meanwhile and is happy to notice that she enjoys it, and dare she says it, she might even be good at it. She loves the contact with the patient, always tries to put a smile on their faces, no matter what dire situation they are in.

She has become somewhat of an expert in evading Thomas Ainsworth. It is fortunate that he works in a totally different department in the hospital. Still, she sometimes sees him sitting in the cafeteria, leering at her. She just sits with her back to him, not acknowledging him in any way possible. And she praises all the gods in heaven he doesn’t try and strike up a conversation. It seems that their encounter in the club the other night made it clear that she is _not_ interested in him at all.  
Her resident colleagues are somewhat unaware of her ignoring Thomas. Although she has the feeling Jeremiah is catching on. She can see him sporadically shifting glances from her to Ainsworth, a frown on his face. He doesn’t say anything about it though.

* * *

At the end of another long day, her feet take her to the basement of the hospital. There, sitting on a deserted patient bed in the hallway, she finds John, Eugénie and Jeremiah. All of them look tired, the new schedule of their life is hectic and hard. This place now has become their meeting spot at the end of a long day. A chance to cool down and discuss cases and patients, they don’t get to talk much during the day itself. Opposite the bed, very conveniently located, is a snack machine. Ann walks towards it and starts inserting coins.

“Oh, pass me one too Walker, s’il te plaît.” Eugénie sits slumped on the bed, already eating a chocolate bar.

“Which one?”

“Oh just anything with chocolate is good. I’m starving…” She complains while Jeremiah smirks at her.

“Don’t complain about tummy aches afterwards princess.” Jeremiah playfully teases.

“Pfff, why don’t you get some sleep Rawson, you look like hell.” Eugénie retorts back.

Laughing now, Jeremiah snorts, “I still look better than you.”

With a lopsided grin, Eugénie takes another bite from the chocolate bar, “impossible.”

At that, John and Ann start laughing while Eugénie looks smugly back at Jeremiah, waiting for a counterreply, which doesn’t come.  
Ann throws a pack of M&Ms his way after handing Eugénie the chocolate bar.

“Here, eat your sorrows away.” She laughs while Jeremiah happily catches the package and rips it open, pouring the M&Ms into his mouth.

Ann loves the playful banter happening between the residents. She feels like they are becoming her friends and enjoys the interaction between all the different personalities in their group.

“Scoot over John,” Ann hops on the bed while John makes space, and the four of them peacefully eat their chocolate from the snack machine. All of their energy sucked out of them during their long days.

John rests his head against the wall behind him and closes his eyes.

Groaning, he says, “We’re gonna survive this right?”

“Honestly, I’m too tired to think straight.” Eugénie complains.

“Me too.” Mutters Ann, smirking at the double meaning behind the words.

“Oh come on. We have this magnificent chocolate snack machine dispenser!” Jeremiah dramatically points at the machine.

“As long as that thing works, we live.”

And they all stare at the snack dispenser, who is, literally (they are sitting in a fairly dark corridor after all) and figuratively their source of light and fulfilment during these long days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any mistakes related to medical stuff! I did some research but it still is quite difficult to really understand and write medical cases the correct way. 
> 
> Let me know what you think :)


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